The Power of Consistency
As the calendar year comes to a close and we head into school vacation time, many families head out on trips to warm destinations, travel to see far-flung family members, or tuck in for some cozy time at home. Vacations can be a uniquely wonderful time for families because they’re a chance to get off of the day-to-day hamster wheel of carpools, after-school activities, and never-ending logistics. In many families, though, a break from the usual grind can create its own challenges. If you’ve noticed your children’s behavior going off the rails on vacation, or if your re-entry to “real life” is fraught, here are a few things to consider as you pack your suitcase.
Create a Calendar
Imagine leaving for a trip or having an extended period of time at home and not knowing anything about what will happen each day. It’s unsettling. The same is true for kids. Even if you’re going to the beach and the plan is to swim and play in the sand every day, kids want to know specifics. For example, they may have questions about what days you’re traveling, how many days you’ll be there, and if there’s anything special scheduled. Telling kids out loud what’s going on might confuse them, and it’s a lot to remember. Instead, consider empowering them with a kid-friendly calendar. You can make a list, draw calendar squares by hand, or print out a free calendar (www.calendar-12.com) and write a few words about what’s going to be happening each day. For example:
Saturday- drive 6 hours; grocery store
Sunday- beach, dinner with friends
Monday- aquarium, beach
Tuesday- beach, movie night
You get the picture. And so will your kids. No more answering a million questions about what’s happening when. With a calendar, they will have access to all the information they need without asking you.
Communicate the Rules
Part of the joy of vacation is relaxing the rules a little. Dessert after every meal? Yes! Extra screen time? Sure! Buying something just for fun? Great! All of that sounds super-fun… for vacation. Even though it may seem obvious to you that the rules will tighten up when you get home, it’s a good idea to make your intention clear from the get-go. This might look like a quick conversation before you leave home, for example, “When we’re at grandma’s, you get lemonade at every meal, but you know that’s just a vacation treat, right?” They will likely say that they already know that, but it’s a good idea to get it out in the open and ask for verbal confirmation that they understand. This way, you can remind them of the agreement when they’re asking for endless lemonade at home.
Keep a Consistent Bedtime
When we’re out of our routine, time gets slippery. Dinner might happen later than usual, or we might start a game or movie late. That flexibility is part of the joy of getting away. At the same time, kids need sleep. A lot of sleep. And that doesn’t change on vacation. Letting kids stay up extra- late creates two problems. First, less sleep means shorter fuses, problematic behavior, and more grumps. Even though staying up late seems fun, it backfires almost immediately. Also, changing kids’ sleep patterns impacts them long after the vacation ends. Especially the first few nights back home (and back to school), they will still be on “vacation time,” resulting in tricky behavior, short fuses, and exhaustion in class. You can avoid all of this by keeping your kids on a consistent sleep schedule.
Make a Re-Entry Plan
Before you leave paradise to head home, make a plan for what re-entry will be like. If you’re parents who like to unpack immediately, let your kids know how they can help. If you’re going to arrive home late, help them understand that they will brush their teeth and head straight to bed that night. If you have some days between arriving home and going back to school/work, let them know the expectations for that time (you can even add it to the trip calendar). It’s especially important to communicate your expectations about things you might have let go of on the trip. For example, you might need to remind them that while they had unlimited screen time at the beach, it’s back to the usual 30 minutes a day at home.
There’s one more reason to create a calendar, communicate the rules, keep a consistent bedtime, and make a re-entry plan. Each of these will minimize the number of questions they ask you and reduce the amount of energy you have to spend cajoling and repeating yourself. When you empower your children by giving them a clear plan and expectations, you are actually giving yourself the gift of peace and quiet. That sounds like the best vacation of all.
